"I was frightened even by God. I could not believe in His love, only in His punishment. Faith. That, I felt, was the act of facing the tribunal of justice with one’s head bowed to receive the scourge of God. I could believe in hell, but it was impossible for me to believe in the existence of heaven."
"Dear Father:
You once asked me why I claimed that I am afraid of you.
As usual, I didn’t know how to respond, partly due to the fear I have of you, and partly because the foundations of that fear involve too many details for me to keep them all together during a conversation. And although I now try to answer you in writing, my response will, nonetheless, be very incomprehensible, because even in writing, fear and its consequences inhibit me before you, and because the magnitude of the topic exceeds my memory and understanding."
2009
